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Guide Overview

The Timer Trick

A simple strategy for ensuring both parties feel heard in a conflict.
March 2, 2023
Summary Notes

- A simple tip for handling conflicts is to set a timer for each person to have their say, with the option to adjust the length depending on the severity of the conflict.

- The person speaking should be kind and clear in conveying their needs, while the listener should be receptive and try to understand the other's perspective.

- This is not a debate, but an opportunity to reconnect and find a solution that meets both people's needs.

- It may take several rounds of timed turns to fully understand each other and repair the relationship.

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You're in a conflict. You have two totally different perspectives about what's going on, and you're trying to figure out how to come back together. This is a super simple tip that helps a ton set a timer for each of you to have yourselves heard. So depending on how big the fight is, that timer might be for five minutes.

It might be for 10 minutes. I can almost guarantee you, you won't even talk for the full amount of your. , but knowing that you have the runway and the time to explain yourself will help you calm down and talk with a little more thoughtfulness and consideration, which will make it easier for your partner to hear you and vice versa.

So if you get in the fight, come up with, okay, we're gonna do a timer. We're gonna flip a coin over who goes first. Flip that coin, set that timer. And the person who is speaking their job is to be as kind as possible in conveying what it is they're needing the other person to.  and the person who is listening their job is to be as receptive as possible, absorbing what the information is, listening with their whole heart and trying to understand the perspective of the person speaking, not listening in order to rebut when it's their turn.

This is not a debate team. We are trying to reconnect and there's always room for what both people need. So coming. Recognizing that we're talking over each other. We're competing for the time. Okay, I think we need to do a take turns type intervention here. Let's go ahead and get a timer and take turns until we can finally hear each other and get what we need.

And if you need to take turns for the next hour, take turns for the next hour. Five minutes for you. Five minutes for that. Five minutes for you. Five minutes for that. As long as. Till you start to feel like you are coming back together, understanding each other, and there has been a repair and a sink, you're back in connection.

Good luck.