When you enter into a conflict with your sweetheart, your most effective tool is the perspective you have about what it is that's happening between you. If you see the conflict as a potential separation situation or a place where you are gonna get dominated, then your nervous system's gonna react more intensely in the process of trying to repair.
Instead. Here's my little tips, ski. With the safe people in your life always think of conflict as a discovery process. You're going to be a discovery paleontologist, digging through the emotions and the words to try and find what is underneath all of those things that needs to be discovered in order to totally understand what you're dealing with, with yourself and with your.
Sometimes it's gonna be more of a self-discovery. It's like, wow, I got super triggered by that. What is that about? And have I felt this feeling before? Is there some story around this? This is about my identity, what's going on? Or it might be about your partner. Same kind of thing. Wow, they're getting really triggered by this.
What's it about? How could I understand their story more? How can they relay their story more? To me, it isn't a point. Painful exercise to have conflict. It is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner. Put that little hat on the next time you have a fight. See what happens.