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Guide Overview

Conflict as Discovery

This section offers a new perspective on conflict, viewing it as a chance for growth and discovery instead of a source of loss or disconnection.
March 2, 2023
Summary Notes

- When entering into a conflict with your significant other, the most powerful tool you have at your disposal is your perspective. If you view the conflict as a potential breakup or a situation where you are being dominated, your nervous system will react more strongly, increasing the intensity of the conflict.

- Here's a tip to help you navigate these situations: think of conflicts as a discovery process. Imagine yourself as a paleontologist digging through emotions and words to uncover what lies beneath them. This can lead to a deeper understanding of both yourself and your partner.

- Conflict can be a chance for self-discovery as well. If you find yourself becoming triggered by the conflict, ask yourself why. Is there a story behind this feeling? Does it have to do with your identity? This can also be true for your partner. If they are becoming triggered, try to understand why. What is causing this reaction? How can they better express their story to you?

- Contrary to popular belief, conflict is not a pointless and painful exercise. Instead, it can be a valuable opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner. So, the next time you find yourself in a fight, see it as a chance to grow and understand each other better.

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When you enter into a conflict with your sweetheart, your most effective tool is the perspective you have about what it is that's happening between you. If you see the conflict as a potential separation situation or a place where you are gonna get dominated, then your nervous system's gonna react more intensely in the process of trying to repair.

Instead. Here's my little tips, ski. With the safe people in your life always think of conflict as a discovery process. You're going to be a discovery paleontologist, digging through the emotions and the words to try and find what is underneath all of those things that needs to be discovered in order to totally understand what you're dealing with, with yourself and with your.

Sometimes it's gonna be more of a self-discovery. It's like, wow, I got super triggered by that. What is that about? And have I felt this feeling before? Is there some story around this? This is about my identity, what's going on? Or it might be about your partner. Same kind of thing. Wow, they're getting really triggered by this.

What's it about? How could I understand their story more? How can they relay their story more? To me, it isn't a point. Painful exercise to have conflict. It is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner. Put that little hat on the next time you have a fight. See what happens.