Trauma is terrible for everyone. But for some folks the trauma lingers and lingers long after an event or season ends and infects their ability to process the trauma and feel like it has ended (PTSD post traumatic stress disorder).
The reason for this is rooted in attachment experiences.
If a person is given empathy and compassion during their upbringing when they were in pain (emotional and physical) they learn to do the same to themselves when they are in painful situations as adults.
But if a person is raised in relationships where pain is given blame or meaning "well that's what you get!" "Maybe now you'll learn" etc Then there is an instinct to believe they caused the trauma, or could have prevented it, or worse...deserved it.
The healing process in that case always involves editing out guilt, blame and shame that don't belong in a scenario where you were powerless to stop a tragedy and then allowing the natural grief and anger and fear that were true to the experience to come out.
Let your littles feel their feelings in your arms so that they don't believe that pain is punishment and can weather the storms of life believing that bad things happen to good people without any meaningful reason. Trauma is in it's nature unreasonable.
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Watch this insightful video and discover how childhood anxiety and caretaker focus can hinder a person's ability to grow down into their more carefree and less responsible self, and why allowing children to enjoy the process of growing up is crucial to their development.
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In this video, learn about the risk of relapse for individuals who have been abusive in the past, and the confusion surrounding whether someone has truly changed, as well as the importance of recognizing true change, moving on, and being aware of the signs of abuse.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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