In generational trauma cycles, it usually takes multiple generations to get back to a secure way of relating.
We went from power and control dynamics to behavioral dynamics to connection dynamics.
Somewhere in an insecure lineage there was trauma and/or the intrusion of a colonial mindset (control over connection) that threw off your family from the human instinct to cultivate a secure attachment relationship between parent and child.
Your job as a parent is to do as much of the healing work that you can, trusting the next generation to keep it going.
My mom did some incredible cycle breaking. She protected me from an unbelievable load of harsh treatment. It gave me the capacity to keep the cycle breaking going. I am so thankful for that, even if she wasn't able to get us all the way to secure when I was a child, she laid the path for me to do it for my children. And then they can take that security and deepen the legacy of connection for their children.
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Learn how to regulate your emotions and offer calm and compassionate support to your child when they are upset, even if you experienced childhood trauma or lack of emotional support from your parents, in this insightful video that emphasizes the importance of parking your inner child in a safe place, attending to their needs, and returning to being the parent your child needs.
Learn how to shift the vibe of your home environment and improve your connection with your children by finding ways to say "yes" instead of always resorting to "no" in this insightful video on parental co-regulation and relational reactivity.
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Self-hatred is a product of insecure attachment and other traumas, but the first step towards self-love is to grieve and open up to the pain present in your attachment relationships and to see yourself in a new light.
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