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Hating yourself is a result of insecure attachment (and additional traumas from peers, the dominant culture and toxic ideas about bodies and success).
You don't hate yourself because something is wrong with you. You think something is wrong with you because you were taught to hate yourself. (Aka no one knew how to teach you to love yourself)
The first step to self love is grief, not improving yourself. It's opening up yourself to grapple with the pain present in the story of your attachment relationships. And seeing yourself with new eyes. You weren't ever unlovable, no part of you was. But you did likely have caregivers who didn't know how to love you in the ways you needed. (And also hated themselves).
Healing now is about radically loving and accepting yourself exactly as you are. And as you do, you'll be amazed at how many things you can love about yourself. So so many.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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In this powerful video, learn how to differentiate between empathy and pity, and why cultivating empathy is essential for healing broken attachment relationships from childhood.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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