Trauma is terrible for everyone. But for some folks the trauma lingers and lingers long after an event or season ends and infects their ability to process the trauma and feel like it has ended (PTSD post traumatic stress disorder).
The reason for this is rooted in attachment experiences.
If a person is given empathy and compassion during their upbringing when they were in pain (emotional and physical) they learn to do the same to themselves when they are in painful situations as adults.
But if a person is raised in relationships where pain is given blame or meaning "well that's what you get!" "Maybe now you'll learn" etc Then there is an instinct to believe they caused the trauma, or could have prevented it, or worse...deserved it.
The healing process in that case always involves editing out guilt, blame and shame that don't belong in a scenario where you were powerless to stop a tragedy and then allowing the natural grief and anger and fear that were true to the experience to come out.
Let your littles feel their feelings in your arms so that they don't believe that pain is punishment and can weather the storms of life believing that bad things happen to good people without any meaningful reason. Trauma is in it's nature unreasonable.
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This video discusses the importance of self-love as a radical stance in a world that often encourages self-sacrifice, and emphasizes how loving yourself is a necessity for taking care of your body and self in a world that won't always do that for you.
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This video offers insightful perspective and tools for healing from inherited attachment wounds, acknowledging the realities of our caregivers' patterns while breaking the cycle for future generations
As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but threats of violence may not be the best way to do so. Instead, we can be a refuge and a barrier for our children, offering comfort and support in times of need.
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