Trauma is terrible for everyone. But for some folks the trauma lingers and lingers long after an event or season ends and infects their ability to process the trauma and feel like it has ended (PTSD post traumatic stress disorder).
The reason for this is rooted in attachment experiences.
If a person is given empathy and compassion during their upbringing when they were in pain (emotional and physical) they learn to do the same to themselves when they are in painful situations as adults.
But if a person is raised in relationships where pain is given blame or meaning "well that's what you get!" "Maybe now you'll learn" etc Then there is an instinct to believe they caused the trauma, or could have prevented it, or worse...deserved it.
The healing process in that case always involves editing out guilt, blame and shame that don't belong in a scenario where you were powerless to stop a tragedy and then allowing the natural grief and anger and fear that were true to the experience to come out.
Let your littles feel their feelings in your arms so that they don't believe that pain is punishment and can weather the storms of life believing that bad things happen to good people without any meaningful reason. Trauma is in it's nature unreasonable.
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In this video, you'll learn about self-gaslighting, which is learned from attachment relationships where someone taught you to constantly question your body, reactions, and views on reality, and the importance of acknowledging the trauma and learning to trust your own needs.
Learn why idealization can lead to grandiose pressure and the dangers of love bombing in this insightful video on building trust and secure attachment in relationships.
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Self-hatred is a product of insecure attachment and other traumas, but the first step towards self-love is to grieve and open up to the pain present in your attachment relationships and to see yourself in a new light.
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