Watch out for focusing too much on fairness as a teaching tool when your kids are little..
It creates a belief in their minds that all good behavior gets rewarded and bad behavior gets punished...that the world is just and orderly....this is a huge liability if they are exposed to trauma. Their conclusion becomes "I must have deserved this".
This belief is called The Just World Belief and is correlated with higher levels of PTSD in combat vets and SA survivors.
Instead of focusing on them being bad or good or fair...use relational motivation to help them make good choices..."sharing with our friends makes enjoying things more fun". "Taking turns helps us learn patience" etc. "It feels good to have a clean room and know where our things are"
And always send the message when they are in pain that you are there for them and don't think they caused it or deserves it.
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In this video, learn why telling your child to "use their words" during an emotional moment may not be effective and how to communicate non-verbally to support them in regulating their emotions.
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In this video, learn why it's important for parents who grew up with trauma or without secure attachment to be mindful of not overcorrecting their kids, and how to give themselves space to process their past pains so they can accurately meet their child's needs.
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In this video, parenting expert shares insights on the challenges of breaking cycles, while encouraging parents to stay compassionate and connected with their children, as they have never regretted this approach, and harshness and disconnection are the most common regrets among parents.
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