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Guide Overview

Week 5: Constructing a Pattern of Repair

This week's worksheet focuses on the parent's role in repairing conflicts or misalignments in the relationship and provides exercises to practice reconnection and restore a secure dynamic.
February 24, 2023
Summary Notes

- Week 5 focuses on constructing repair in relationships, especially with children.

- Relationships are designed to handle disconnection and there are mechanisms to help go from disconnection to reconnection.

- This week's worksheet provides tips for creating repair with children.

- Place reminders around the house to help reground yourself in the repair process.

- It's important to have an attachment-based version of repair, instead of a shame-based version where someone must apologize.

- The goal is to stay connected amidst any challenges and to do active reflection and practice to figure out your repair process.

 Week five. You're doing so good. You're almost there. Week five is about constructing repair, so learning a pattern.  for how you will handle when things get off the tracks. Whether you're off the tracks, they're off the tracks, or you're both off the tracks. How do you come back to connection after disconnection?

First thing I wanna do is just reassure you that relationships, especially our attachment relationships, are designed to handle getting off the tracks. There are mechanisms within our biology in order to help us go from disconnection to reconnection because relationships are complic. There will be conflict with every person we love and definitely with our children.

In this week's worksheet, I have a whole set of tips for you to think about and understand when you're thinking about how to create repair with your kids. And then I'm gonna have you put some reminders around your house. Like in a bathroom mirror in your wallet, anywhere where you're kind of referencing visually often to help you reground to your role in that repair process, we can get distracted by some of that dominant based, behavioral based ideas in our culture that it's our children's job to apologize if they were wrong.

It's a shame-based version of repair as opposed to an attachment based version of repair, which is that it doesn't matter who's wrong, let's figure out how we're gonna get back together and we're going to understand each other and we're gonna move forward. There's no right or wrong. Bottom, top or down.

It's just us figuring out how to stay connected amidst whatever this thing is that's between us, and you're gonna do some active reflecting as you think about how you're gonna do your repair process, what things you're struggling to repair with them, you're gonna do some practice and some journaling on that repair.

Good luck.