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Guide Overview

Week 2: Breaking Down Barriers

Having defenses against past pain can obstruct creating closeness, both in ourselves and our children. This week's worksheet aims to help you and your child overcome any barriers created from past experiences and foster closeness.
February 24, 2023
Summary Notes

- Week two focuses on breaking down barriers to positive interactions.

- The first barrier to be addressed is internal and related to past experiences with one's own parents.

- Writing a letter to one's parents (not to be delivered) will help acknowledge past experiences.

- Writing a letter to one's child will help break down any barriers the child has built up against the parent.

- The letter should be honest and kind, addressing past mistakes and apologizing for any hurtful actions.

- The process of reconciliation may take time and should not be expected to result in instant forgiveness.

- The letter sets the stage for future work in the process.

 I hope week one went really well for you and that you were able to identify some things you can do to really soothe yourself and support your own nervous system so that you can move into a calm place as you're trying to connect with your kids. This week, we are going to focus on breaking down barriers because when we attempt to have a positive interaction with someone, but there's a barrier up, that energy is pretty much wasted.

It just bounces off the barrier. Oops. Back.

Back. We're gonna attempt to break down two particular barriers. The first one is a barrier within ourselves, and it's any leftover stuff that we haven't acknowledged or grieved related to the way that our parents attempt an attempt to be close to us. It's probably gonna be emotional, an assignment to write a letter to your parents that you won't ever actually give to them, but that is essentially allowing your.

To acknowledge what it felt like in relationship to them growing up. If you are someone that has loads and heaps of trauma, I would invite you not to do this by yourself. Do it with whoever is the safest person in your world. By say, I mean the most nurturing, present, attuned, caring person. That you know the second assignment is going to be a letter that you will write to your child.

This letter is intended to help you break down any barriers your child has built up against you as a result of things that you didn't realize you were doing until you started this journey of parenting from connection and attachment. As you write this letter, I want you to make sure you concentrate on two things.

Being honest and being kind, honest with yourself and your child about the things you didn't realize, weren't working, or were problematic or were hurtful and kind both to yourself as a parent who is doing the best they could, and to your child. As the person who was receiving some of that treatment or lack of treatment, whatever it was that you regret, this is a reconciliation exercise, something that creates a healing for your child so that as you begin to work on changing the way you interact.

There isn't this wound in the way of them receiving your change. A couple of tips here. The older your child is, the more woundedness there might be in your relationship as a result of past patterns. So the more time I want you to expect for that child to really absorb and trust the apology in your letter as you give it to him, don't expect it to be like a miracle bong.

Like you write this letter and then they're like, oh, dad, mom, parent. I wanna run into your arms. Expect it to set the stage for the next things that you're gonna do in your process here. Good.