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Guide Overview

Week 3: Cultivating Trust

Closeness is vulnerable. So it necessitates a trust in another person's ability to be with us, and tolerate our emotional states. This week's worksheet involves two activities to develop this trust with your child. The hope is that you will turn these activities into regular practice so they grow and grow the trust between you.
February 24, 2023
Summary Notes

- Weeks one and two were focused on reflection, grieving, and big emotions

- Week three moves into practicalities and how to apply what was learned in the first two weeks

- Focus of week three is on cultivating trust with children

- First activity: "Standing By" - spending time with child and simply being present

- Second activity: Learning to tolerate triggers while staying present with child

- Both activities should become practices in the relationship with child

- Cultivating trust over time leads to children relying and respecting their parent's opinions.

 You made it through week one and two. That was a lot of reflecting and grieving and big feels. Now we're gonna move into more of the practicalities. How are we going to engage? What we learned over here in these two weeks and what we are working on shifting and bring it into relationship with our children this week is about learning to cultivate trust.

You might know you have your child's best interest and mind and heart, but that doesn't mean that relationally, they can feel that from you. The first activity this week, I'm calling standing by, and what I mean by that is spending time with your child where you are simply being present, not staring awkwardly at them, not scrolling your phone.

Sitting with them. Being with them in whatever it is that has their attention in order to begin to communicate that your agenda is not simply to get them to behave in a certain way or think a certain thing or believe a certain thing. Your purpose in their lives is to be a presence and a support as they grow and develop.

And the second area where we develop trust is in our capacity to manage something that's triggering for us in relationship to them without escalating or shutting down. Your second activity is gonna be learning to tolerate a. It doesn't mean that you're not feeling triggered. It means you're learning how to have those feelings come up and manage them and contain them, and stay present to where your child is at in regards to the thing that is triggering you.

Both of these activities are things I hope, become practices in your relationship to your child. This is not just do it once, earn some trust. This is a rhythm that we want to begin to cultivate over time, and the more that we cultivate these things, the more trust our children have and the more they will rely on us and also respect our opinions when they are in tricky spots as they.

Hope it goes well.