Thank goodness that the attachment research is clear that our children do not need us to be perfect, or constantly attentive, or winning the parent of the year award. (Who can up with that idea anyway???)
They need us to be connection focused and capable of repairing when we get off the tracks.
Instead of laboring anxiously to be a good parent, secure attachment is formed from a parent's dedication to being a consistently responsive parent (specifically in times where our children are tender or in emotional distress).
Focus on the relationship between you and your littles and listening to their needs, soothing them when they are in pain, and delighting in them when you have the chance.
No need to beat yourself up for being grumpy sometimes or having a million distractions or not having their lunches cut into the shapes of their favorite cartoon characters.
You're not a bad parent. You're a person who is parenting in a complex world. And our instinct to bond to each other is strong and will weather many storms if we stay dedicated to returning to connection and care.
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In this video, learn why it's important to focus on soothing and supporting kids' emotions before trying to teach them, as strong emotions take energy away from the brain's thinking and processing areas, and how you can use co-regulation and language to help them grow once they've calmed down. Remember to "Connect before you correct," as Dr. Karyn Purvis said.
In this video, the speaker advocates for preparing new mothers and birthing parents for the mental health journey that comes after giving birth, discussing mental health nuances and providing clarity and compassion for those going through this stage.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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