Feeling jealous is painful. Feeling jealous and then being shamed or punished is confusing for a child. And it doesn't equip them to know what to do with the feeling.
When your child feels jealous they need the same set of things they need when they feel any other painful emotion.
1. Empathy and support understanding their emotion and learning words to put to it.
2. Help regulating their body.
3. Compassionate guidance on how to cope with the feeling.
Jealousy is not a character defect. It's a normal and complex body state that abates when it is acknowledged and the person feeling it is given emotional support to handle it and not act it out.
Model for them your own consent process, and help them deeply understand the nuance of desire
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In this video, you'll learn that a securely attached young child expresses their distress, seeks proximity to their caregiver, and calms quickly, and that this pattern of express-seek-soothe can be seen throughout our lifespan, with teens seeking friends, adults seeking romantic partners or close friends, but always involving the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life.
Learn how to foster secure attachment with your child by being a consistently responsive and connection-focused parent, and don't beat yourself up for not being perfect - the important thing is to focus on repairing and staying dedicated to the relationship.
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