What you feel about what you feel is a meta feeling. And it makes all the difference in whether or not you are able to release your feelings and complete the stress cycle.
Our meta feelings are primarily shaped in our attachment relationships, though they are also influenced by peers and the greater culture.
The best way to get yourself through tough times is to let yourself feel the emotions related to it and let go of any feelings about having those initial feelings. You feel. We all do. Let it out. With caring people. Feel relief.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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In this video, we learn about the immense responsibility projected onto victims in abusive relationships and how trying to heal the abuser can betray one's own healing.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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