One heartbreaking element of trauma, is the tendency to question your reality of the trauma because there is so much you can't explicitly remember.
But you implicitly remember it all.
Those body sensations that trigger when you think of the traumatic event or relationship ARE memories. They are called IMPLICIT memories or body memories.
They are stored differently than non traumatic memory because when you were in the traumatic situation you did not feel safe, so your prefrontal cortex shut down and gave the steering wheel to your limbic system.
Instead of having details like time and color and the data your executive brain takes in, you have details like sweating and smelling and your heart racing and feeling nauseous, that your safety brain takes in.
Just because your memory doesn't feel sequential and logic oriented, doesn't mean you don't remember. It means you remember with your nervous system instead of with your prefrontal cortex.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
Learn how to break the cycle of generational trauma and cultivate a secure attachment relationship between you and your child by doing the healing work that you can, trusting the next generation to keep it going.
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In this video, you'll learn that an abusive mentality is one of the hardest addictions to kick, with only 5% of people who seek treatment making meaningful changes, due to the intertwined nature of childhood experiences, strong justifications for the behavior, and the need for vulnerability and accountability to heal.
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