One of the most common questions I get asked about the level of emotional responsiveness and support I recommend parents to give to their children is:
"Won't that teach them that the world revolves around them?"
And while I understand the logic, it is not applicable in the context of attachment and child development.
The ways we relate to our children in their tender moments become relational templates they use in response to others.
Children who are given empathy when they are in emotional pain, learn about their emotions and develop the capacity to connect their body sensations to an understanding of what those sensations mean and what to do in response.
Then they can relate when other people are feeling and needing things and know how to offer care and empathy because it has been offered to them.
It increases empathy and resilience. Cool huh? You can be gentle and emotionally attentive with your kid and trust that your kindness is creating empathy skills and not a pattern of toxic self focus.
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In this video, relationship expert explains how the instinct to push away when wanting to be close is called "protest" behavior in attachment research, but in couples counseling, it is often referred to as sabotage, and shares the most effective way to bring your partner close is to express your desire for connection.
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Discover how to build a closer relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style by understanding their fear of burdening others with their emotions and needs, and by showing up for them in small ways in this compassionate and insightful video.
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In this video, learn why it's important for parents who grew up with trauma or without secure attachment to be mindful of not overcorrecting their kids, and how to give themselves space to process their past pains so they can accurately meet their child's needs.
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