Idealization is not kind. It's grandiose pressure. The only reason someone wants to meld their life with you before getting the chance to get to know you is because they feel desperate.
That love bombing can feel really nice at first, but remember to teach your kids that it is a setup. All idealization leads eventually to devaluation, because your humanness will appear and shatter their idealization of you.
The work of secure attachment involves taking the time to BUILD trust and get to know each other...not jumping into a deep end without knowing what lies under it.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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In this video, you'll learn about self-gaslighting, which is learned from attachment relationships where someone taught you to constantly question your body, reactions, and views on reality, and the importance of acknowledging the trauma and learning to trust your own needs.
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Teach your kids to ask, "Is this okay?" and look for a clear and enthusiastic yes, even if someone seems reserved or quiet, to ensure that all affection is confirmed and enthusiastic.
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