Watch out for focusing too much on fairness as a teaching tool when your kids are little..
It creates a belief in their minds that all good behavior gets rewarded and bad behavior gets punished...that the world is just and orderly....this is a huge liability if they are exposed to trauma. Their conclusion becomes "I must have deserved this".
This belief is called The Just World Belief and is correlated with higher levels of PTSD in combat vets and SA survivors.
Instead of focusing on them being bad or good or fair...use relational motivation to help them make good choices..."sharing with our friends makes enjoying things more fun". "Taking turns helps us learn patience" etc. "It feels good to have a clean room and know where our things are"
And always send the message when they are in pain that you are there for them and don't think they caused it or deserves it.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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Learn how to help your child process their emotions and build a deeper connection with them by following these three simple tips, which can help switch their neurochemistry from panic or despair to safety and connection.
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Discover why natural consequences are great teachers for children, especially those with neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and Autism, and why guiding and teaching instead of punishing and preaching is a more effective approach to helping your child learn to listen to and trust their bodies, in this enlightening video on interoception and attachment.
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