When our attachment relationships (partners, kids, parents, "my person") involve someone who has lived through a trauma nightmare (or 20)...we need to know the difference between safety and FELT safety.
Trauma f's with a survivor's nervous system and makes it harder to feel safety even when safe.
This is where a secure loving attachment figure is key...you can lend your grounded nervous system to this person by being present to their fear and dysregulation with an empathetic and calm stance. Offer patience and compassion and as they ride whatever wave of panic they are surfing by being WITH them and not pressuring them to feel safe, but being a safe person for them to feel unsafe with.
Eventually your relationship will be a space of safety in a world that is trigger happy to your loved one.
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In this video, learn about the power of empathy when dealing with anger, but also be warned about the limits of empathy in the context of abusive mentalities, where anger is used to justify harmful behavior.
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In this video, you'll learn about the difference between intention and impact, and that while you can share how someone's actions or inactions impacted you, the authority over their intentions belongs to them, and if you don't trust their explanation, it may be time to move on or evaluate your past trauma.
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In this video, you'll learn that the forgiveness process after abuse is not about reconciling with the abuser, but rather about untethering yourself from the abuse and reconciling with yourself, by grieving, acknowledging, releasing, and remembering who you are.
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