The drive to always be around people can come from two different sources...
1. A natural extraversion that drives you to get energy by being with people
2. A trauma response that developed in relationship to unpredictable early caregivers and an ensuing fear that people are going to leave or give up on you...
Or both.
If number 2 sounds right to you (especially in romantic relationships), that's a good indicator that your heart needs some space to process your early relationships and understand how they impacted you to make room for new ways of finding rest in solitude and space from others.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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In this video, you'll learn about the challenges that couples face in their attachment when having children, and the importance of understanding and valuing the labor of the partner who cares for the children at home, as childcare is also work.
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