If you weren't privileged to inherit a secure attachment style in your childhood, then you are in my club of people who earn/learn their secure attachment style.
Here's the three phases of healing you'll need to work thru...
1. Reflect: on your early attachment relationships and how they impacted you
2. Grieve: feel the feelings of loss and pain related to not having secure relationships to lean on and find confidence in.
3. Grow: change your patterns of relating and work to learn new ways of showing up in your close relationships.
If you grew up in an environment where your caregivers did not know how to make you feel secure, you have likely developed what is called an insecure attachment style. It basically means that when you get into close, intimate friendships or relationships, You struggle to internalize those relationships to feel deeply connected, freely and without anxiety.
The really good news is that there is solid research that you can transform an insecure attachment style, whether it's an avoiding style, an ambivalent, preoccupied style, or disorganized style, and earn a secure attachment style so that you don't have to carry insecure relating for the rest of your life.
This is. Very oversimplified version of it, but I wanna give you the three steps to how you get there. The first one is you reflect, there's a body of evidence that if you take the time to look back at your early relationships and reflect on how they impacted you, what they were like, what you learned in those dynamics, then you will be able to understand why you behave the way you behave in relationships.
Now, after you've done that, the second step is to. It means to let yourself feel the emotions around the things that you were not given or the pain you were given, and to do that in the presence of other people. So in the presence of loving witnesses, to let yourself feel the sorrow of not having secure earlier relationships.
Step three is you need to grow. Once you recognize where your old patterns were and you've let yourself feel sorrow over them, you have to start to learn new ways of relating to people.
If you grew up in an environment where your caregivers did not know how to make you feel secure, you have likely developed what is called an insecure attachment style. It basically means that when you get into close, intimate friendships or relationships, You struggle to internalize those relationships to feel deeply connected, freely and without anxiety.
The really good news is that there is solid research that you can transform an insecure attachment style, whether it's an avoiding style, an ambivalent, preoccupied style, or disorganized style, and earn a secure attachment style so that you don't have to carry insecure relating for the rest of your life.
This is. Very oversimplified version of it, but I wanna give you the three steps to how you get there. The first one is you reflect, there's a body of evidence that if you take the time to look back at your early relationships and reflect on how they impacted you, what they were like, what you learned in those dynamics, then you will be able to understand why you behave the way you behave in relationships.
Now, after you've done that, the second step is to. It means to let yourself feel the emotions around the things that you were not given or the pain you were given, and to do that in the presence of other people. So in the presence of loving witnesses, to let yourself feel the sorrow of not having secure earlier relationships.
Step three is you need to grow. Once you recognize where your old patterns were and you've let yourself feel sorrow over them, you have to start to learn new ways of relating to people.
A message to all fathers: keep going with your efforts to connect with your children because they desperately need to see what a healthy, connected, caring male looks like, and it will create a secure attachment that fosters resilience.
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Discover why responding attentively to your young children won't make them weak, self-centered and dependent adults, as research shows that emotional attunement and responsiveness from caregivers helps children feel safe and develop better awareness and focus in relationships, whereas ignoring their emotional needs leads to heightened fear states that make it hard for them to learn the nuances of relationships - check out the recommended studies to learn more and trust your instincts for care.
Model for them your own consent process, and help them deeply understand the nuance of desire
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