In generational trauma cycles, it usually takes multiple generations to get back to a secure way of relating.
We went from power and control dynamics to behavioral dynamics to connection dynamics.
Somewhere in an insecure lineage there was trauma and/or the intrusion of a colonial mindset (control over connection) that threw off your family from the human instinct to cultivate a secure attachment relationship between parent and child.
Your job as a parent is to do as much of the healing work that you can, trusting the next generation to keep it going.
My mom did some incredible cycle breaking. She protected me from an unbelievable load of harsh treatment. It gave me the capacity to keep the cycle breaking going. I am so thankful for that, even if she wasn't able to get us all the way to secure when I was a child, she laid the path for me to do it for my children. And then they can take that security and deepen the legacy of connection for their children.
If you didn't have a secure attachment style in childhood, you're not alone. Here are three phases of healing you can work through to change your patterns of relating and build new, secure relationships.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
Learn how to help your child navigate difficult and necessary medical procedures by staying calm and present, and using the opportunity to teach them about emotions and show empathy and support in this informative video.
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