This is the abuse cycle: honeymoon>tension buildup>abuse/eruption>apologies/calm-after-the-storm>honeymoon again
When you have lived the cycle of abuse, you have internalized the cycle. Especially if that cycle was present in your childhood relationships.
This can lead to a confusing pattern in your adult relationships.....you may not feel comfortable when things are good with safe people.
That is because your body is anticipating the tension and then the abuse ....so you may find yourself starting to pick fights to "get it over with".
You don't like the fight/abuse, you just hate waiting for it.
Instead of using a blow up to get to the calm after the storm, use your storytelling ability. Share your painful stories with the safe people in your life and let yourself grieve. It will bring rest without the mess.
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This video discusses the importance of self-love as a radical stance in a world that often encourages self-sacrifice, and emphasizes how loving yourself is a necessity for taking care of your body and self in a world that won't always do that for you.
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Learn how contempt in relationships often stems from shame and how to address the root cause of contempt by addressing the underlying shame through vulnerability and open communication with your partner or attachment figures in this insightful and practical video.
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Watch this insightful video and discover how childhood anxiety and caretaker focus can hinder a person's ability to grow down into their more carefree and less responsible self, and why allowing children to enjoy the process of growing up is crucial to their development.
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