This is the abuse cycle: honeymoon>tension buildup>abuse/eruption>apologies/calm-after-the-storm>honeymoon again
When you have lived the cycle of abuse, you have internalized the cycle. Especially if that cycle was present in your childhood relationships.
This can lead to a confusing pattern in your adult relationships.....you may not feel comfortable when things are good with safe people.
That is because your body is anticipating the tension and then the abuse ....so you may find yourself starting to pick fights to "get it over with".
You don't like the fight/abuse, you just hate waiting for it.
Instead of using a blow up to get to the calm after the storm, use your storytelling ability. Share your painful stories with the safe people in your life and let yourself grieve. It will bring rest without the mess.
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In this video, you'll learn the shAmeBC's for helping someone you love navigate the painful emotional state of shame by acknowledging their feelings, buffering them with calmness and presence, and connecting with them in an authentic human way to help them feel worthy and not alone.
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In this video, learn how the care and responsiveness children receive from their caregivers can impact their ability to recognize and communicate their needs as adults, and how healing from a lack of emotional support in childhood involves acknowledging the wound, speaking your needs, and committing to giving yourself the care you deserve.
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Learn how to strengthen your relationship and become more securely attached by reframing conflict as an opportunity to discover new things about yourself and your partner, and find out how naming your fights can bring levity and help you avoid repeating them in this insightful video.
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