An abusive mentality is one of the hardest addictions for a human being to kick. The stats are staggering. Only 5% of people stuck in an abusive mentality who GET TREATMENT make meaningful changes.
Why is that?
1. Most abusive infections come from a person's childhood so are intertwined in their sense of themselves and the world and have "worked" for them for many years by giving them a false sense of control.
2. The abusive mentality comes with strong narratives justifying its presence, and convincing a person that THEY are the victim despite their behaviors to the contrary.
3. In order for someone to heal from an abusive mentality they have to choose to experience more suffering (vulnerability feels humiliating when you've oriented your world around power and control)
While it's not impossible for someone to heal from this condition, it isn't likely. And if they do it is usually a result of having no other option (ie. People hold them accountable by setting strong boundaries).
Sending love to all of you survivors out there and to the young kids inside the bodies of folks with this condition....I hope someday you get to heal....
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This inspiring video is a reminder to keep pushing forward and doing your best, no matter the obstacles you face.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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