Our relationship to our children is an incredible flashlight onto our own well being.
Because our children rely on us and utilize us as a container for their complex emotions, they are likely to hit upon the areas in us that are in need of care.
This can be true for present stuff (like when we are hangry we are going to be far less patient until we get a sandwich in our system).
It is also true for unresolved past stuff. Like the wound of feeling invisible in our family of origin, or the trauma of a narcissistic parent, or our pattern of avoiding conflict etc.
If you find you're getting dysregulated about a particular issue with your child's behavior developmental stage, instead of fixating on how to urgently change them, take a pause and ask yourself this:
What is this trigger telling me about an area of my present or past that needs more care? And what is the care I need and how can I get it met?
For more complex things it might be time to get a caring therapist on board to help you process trauma etc.
May your children be just triggering enough that you get to heal in ways you never imagined, as you continue to play the role of caregiver to their hearts, needs, and developing journeys.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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In this video, you'll learn that how you live is the biggest teaching tool in your toolkit, as humans are wired to learn through watching and imitating, rather than through directions or instructions.
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In this video, learn why telling your child to "use their words" during an emotional moment may not be effective and how to communicate non-verbally to support them in regulating their emotions.
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