Reminder: As parents, we can get into a "no" state that is affecting our kids ability to co-regulate with us. We might be overstimulated, exhausted, or just flooded with all the things that need our attention. So we restort to a relational reactivity of annoyance and intolerance to our children's requests.
While it may seem counterintuitive, sometimes you need to find a yes you can offer to reconnect with your children so that the whole vibe of the environment shifts.
You don't have to say yes to the things you really need to hold a boundary on (no child, you still cannot put your hand in the hot pan), but find a little give (would you like to rinse the noodles in the sink when they are done?) and watch the magic when you find another way to say yes.
When you pause and find a yes you're saying yes to connection, and co regulation and finding a moment to connect amidst the 17bagillion tasks we are juggling our way through.
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In this video, relationship expert explains how the instinct to push away when wanting to be close is called "protest" behavior in attachment research, but in couples counseling, it is often referred to as sabotage, and shares the most effective way to bring your partner close is to express your desire for connection.
As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but threats of violence may not be the best way to do so. Instead, we can be a refuge and a barrier for our children, offering comfort and support in times of need.
Learn how to handle the endless "why" questions from your child by turning it into a time of imagination, allowing them to wonder and theorize about things, rather than just providing an answer, which can foster a sense of connection and curiosity.
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