Watch out for focusing too much on fairness as a teaching tool when your kids are little..
It creates a belief in their minds that all good behavior gets rewarded and bad behavior gets punished...that the world is just and orderly....this is a huge liability if they are exposed to trauma. Their conclusion becomes "I must have deserved this".
This belief is called The Just World Belief and is correlated with higher levels of PTSD in combat vets and SA survivors.
Instead of focusing on them being bad or good or fair...use relational motivation to help them make good choices..."sharing with our friends makes enjoying things more fun". "Taking turns helps us learn patience" etc. "It feels good to have a clean room and know where our things are"
And always send the message when they are in pain that you are there for them and don't think they caused it or deserves it.
.webp){kind=avatar}
Discover the power of playfulness and how it can positively impact your brain and relationships, unlocking your potential to thrive - watch now!
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, you'll learn that when facing defiance from children, it's important to avoid grabbing for power and instead seek connection, getting curious about their needs and working with a spirit of compassion to help them, rather than against them.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, the speaker shares how their mother broke the cycle of attachment trauma by letting go of guilt and control, leading to a loving and secure relationship that transcended generations of abuse.
%402x.svg){kind=icon}