Watch out for focusing too much on fairness as a teaching tool when your kids are little..
It creates a belief in their minds that all good behavior gets rewarded and bad behavior gets punished...that the world is just and orderly....this is a huge liability if they are exposed to trauma. Their conclusion becomes "I must have deserved this".
This belief is called The Just World Belief and is correlated with higher levels of PTSD in combat vets and SA survivors.
Instead of focusing on them being bad or good or fair...use relational motivation to help them make good choices..."sharing with our friends makes enjoying things more fun". "Taking turns helps us learn patience" etc. "It feels good to have a clean room and know where our things are"
And always send the message when they are in pain that you are there for them and don't think they caused it or deserves it.
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Learn how to raise secure, well-regulated, and resilient children by focusing on teaching them how to live in community and develop close attachment relationships, instead of teaching them independence, in this enlightening video that emphasizes the importance of positive, supportive, and mutual relationships, and the role of trust in creating dependence.
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Learn why kindness is a learned behavior that requires empathy and space for development, especially for neurodivergent children, in this informative video that encourages viewers to seek evaluation if standard teaching methods are not effective.
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