When our attachment relationships (partners, kids, parents, "my person") involve someone who has lived through a trauma nightmare (or 20)...we need to know the difference between safety and FELT safety.
Trauma f's with a survivor's nervous system and makes it harder to feel safety even when safe.
This is where a secure loving attachment figure is key...you can lend your grounded nervous system to this person by being present to their fear and dysregulation with an empathetic and calm stance. Offer patience and compassion and as they ride whatever wave of panic they are surfing by being WITH them and not pressuring them to feel safe, but being a safe person for them to feel unsafe with.
Eventually your relationship will be a space of safety in a world that is trigger happy to your loved one.
.webp){kind=avatar}
Learn about the two sources that drive the desire to always be around people, natural extraversion and trauma response, and how recognizing the latter can help you find rest in solitude and process past relationships in this insightful video.
.webp){kind=avatar}
Learn why it's vital to your children's health for you to connect with the adults in your life and model close, mature relationships, and how investing in your own attachment needs is essential to fully caring for your children in this insightful video.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, learn three tips for navigating difficult moments in relationships, including acknowledging tension, expressing confidence in the relationship, and actively listening to the other person's perspective.
%402x.svg){kind=icon}