It is so important for all of us to remember how complex our attachment relationships are.
We all have unique natures that set off unique dynamics with our caregivers.
Sibling gaslighting often comes from the false belief that you can know what your sibling experienced because you were in the same home.
But the reality is that each unique kid is treated differently in each unique family system.
So if you have a sibling who feels different about their childhood than you do about yours, that doesn't necessarily mean that they are ungrateful or wrong, or idealizing your parents....they just had a different childhood than you.
As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but threats of violence may not be the best way to do so. Instead, we can be a refuge and a barrier for our children, offering comfort and support in times of need.
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Teaching healthy conflict resolution to our children means modeling it for them, which requires communicating and connecting through conflict without fighting dirty or being violent.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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