Limbic resonance is the term used to describe when your feeling brain is lined up with someone else's feeling brain and you feel connected.
If you can master lining up your brain with another person's brain when they are in a feeling state, you can have deep, meaningful connections with them.
Let me show you what limbic resonance is and isn't. So, for example, your spouse comes home and they've had a terrible day. You greet them with, "Hey, how are you?" and they reply, "Honestly, today sucked."
Limbic resonance would look like this: "Oh man, I'm so sorry. You felt it. You modeled back to them that you felt it. You joined in. You didn't try to bat it away, you didn't try to make it better. They felt seen and received."
Limbic dissonance, on the other hand, would be if you responded to your spouse in this scenario by saying, "Well, I mean, at least our taxes are done," This would be backing away from the feeling or trying to change the subject.
Another example of limbic resonance would be if your child sits down and starts crying because the Lego they were building just fell apart. You would respond with, "Aw buddy. I'm so sorry. You're feeling what it feels like to lose something, to work really hard on something and have it fall apart. We all know what that feels like, right?"
Limbic dissonance would be if you responded to your child in this scenario by saying, "Well, next time maybe you'll put your Lego set on a table instead of on the floor and it won't fall apart because it's where I told you to put it."
So, go out and practice lining up your brain with someone else's brain when they are feeling tender, and watch the magic start to happen.
Parenting can be hard. You want to do everything you can to make your kid feel worthy, but sometimes it feels like you're just not sure what to do. Luckily, dogs offer some great advice!
Learn the power of modeling self-compassion to your kids, as it inspires authenticity and problem-solving, and helps them develop their own self-treatment based on how they see you treat yourself.
Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.