When we say "use your words" during an emotional moment, we are trying to help our children come to a place of regulation. Unfortunately we are using a tool that they cannot access at that moment.
The reason they are not using their words, is because the language centers of the brain are being flooded with reactionary neurochemistry. Which means that hearing instructions via language isn't going to work either.
Instead, communicate with your non-verbal presence so that your child can FEEL your support to help their brain regain a sense of calm and connectedness.
After the emotional flooding has subsided and their thinking brain is above water again, they will be much more capable of using their words and helping you understand what was happening for them.
Learn how to keep your children safe and empowered against sexual abuse and trauma by watching this powerful video on the importance of having "the talk" with anyone who watches your children, and how it can serve as a warning to predators and empower your children to have the language and tools to prevent and heal from such abuse.
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In this video, you'll learn that while it's developmentally normal for small children to struggle with impulse control and physical aggression, it's important to teach your child about body ownership, setting boundaries, and protecting them from hurtful behavior, especially in situations where the other parent is not intervening.
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In this video, you'll learn that being an imperfect parent is not inadequate, and that the ability to repair conflicts and model compassion to your kids and yourself is what truly makes a great parent, so don't beat yourself up for being human.
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