My sweet mama did something amazing. She realized from her own attachment traumas, she could break the cycle.
One of the ways she did that was by breaking the cycle of guilt and control.
When she told me "you don't owe me anything" she was releasing me from generations of abuse.
And do you know what happens when you love someone with open arms and open hands? They feel loved. And they openly return that love to you.
When she had a memory emergency last year, absolutely 0% of me felt burdened. I held her hand and gently cared for her as she lay confused and disoriented in the hospital.
The attachment system doesn't need guilt. In fact, guilt gets in the way of true unfettered gratitude and generosity that comes from secure attachment.
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In this video, learn how to help your children calm down during moments of intense emotions by providing them with compassion and time.
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In this video, you'll learn that human beings are wired to co-regulate, and that words like "come here" or "I am here" used with gentleness and compassion can be deeply soothing and help our loved ones know that their emotional needs are not a burden to us.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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