When one of your kids is using rough hands or truly hurtful words with their siblings, they need you to set the boundary.
And they need you to set it while offering compassion towards both parties.
The things we want our kids to learn about conflict are:
1. Safety and boundaries (fair fighting)
2. Effective communication of their needs
3. How to move to repair
When kids are in conflict and no one is being hurt physically or being subjected to truly demeaning and cruel verbal abuses, it's absolutely ok to let them work it out. In fact they need that practice.
But when things are below the belt, our kids need us to set the limit and enforce fair fighting rules. As their parents they need to know that we care when they are being mistreated and we care when they are so upset they have started mistreating someone else.
Keep as calm as you can, give empathy to everyone, and know that their conflicts are important learning spaces.
Learn how to prevent child to child sexual trauma by teaching your child body safety rules, including keeping private areas private, asking for permission for physical touch, and sharing secrets with grown-ups.
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Engage with your teen by giving them airtime and genuine curiosity to share their perspectives, allowing them to feel heard and seen, which will make them respect you more and see you as an ally in their maturing process.
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Discover how to set limits lovingly and effectively to teach small children to hear and understand the boundaries in compassionate ways, instead of punishing or upping the ante, in this insightful video that emphasizes the importance of avoiding power battles and teaching children that they have the power to grow and learn from their experiences.
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