The attachment research calls the instinct to push when you are wanting to be close "protest" behavior.
In couples counseling I often call it sabotage.
You are hurt because you feel distant, but instead of walking closer to your sweetheart and asking for connection (and receiving when they try), you throw rocks at them (in the form of criticism or bad energy etc) and bat away the opportunities to reconnect.
The most effective way to bring your partner close is to share your desire to be close.
Learn the power of modeling self-compassion to your kids, as it inspires authenticity and problem-solving, and helps them develop their own self-treatment based on how they see you treat yourself.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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In this video, the presenter discusses two potential reasons for constantly feeling insecure in a romantic relationship and provides solutions for each, including moving on if the partner isn't right or putting in the work to internalize the love you have if you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style.
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