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Your kids are not reflections of you, but they sure will reflect back to you the things you haven't yet accepted about yourself.
If you find yourself deeply triggered about something about your kid, walk it back in your own story and ask yourself how did people respond to me in this similar part of my life? Or was I ever allowed to be this way? What would have been helpful for me to hear or feel from an adult in a moment like this?
Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
In this video, Dr. Laura Markham shares practical tips on how to help kids and parents manage boredom by staying in a place of compassionate teaching, which involves expressing empathy, helping kids notice body sensations, developing the habit of seeing boredom as an unidentified need state, being patient, and teaching kids to discover their own options without collapsing into despair.
Learn how to set compassionate limits with your child in a way that benefits their brain development and reduces reactive responses to emotions, with the timing varying depending on factors such as age, hunger, and consistency.