Harsh punishment and power and control tactics like yelling, punishing, and shaming can create behavioral changes in children. They become compliant But WHY?
Because they are scared of the punisher.
They "work" because they trigger a dissociative shutdown and make a child unsafe enough to feel powerless and therefore to freeze or cease actions.
And what else do harsh punishments do to children?
They teach children that relationships are about power and control and to relate thru abusive patterns. Which leads to adults who are either 1. Repeating the cycle of power and control or 2. Have deep self worth wounds...both requiring lots of time and work to heal and change.
Instead of trying to control your child's behavior, work on keeping your own need for control in check. Be compassionate with them and with you.
Yes, set limits, but set them lovingly and without creating fear for them.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, you'll learn that because we identify with our attachment loves, we are more likely to treat them the same way we treat ourselves, and that being more gentle with ourselves can lead to more kindness and generosity towards the people who matter most.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, you'll learn how our relationship with our children can reveal areas in our lives that need care, including past traumas and present issues, and how taking a pause to reflect on these triggers can lead to personal growth and healing.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, you'll learn about the myth of parental control, and how focusing on controlling our own behavior rather than our children's behavior can lead to a more secure attachment relationship and greater self-control in our children.
%402x.svg){kind=icon}