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If you are feeling anxious, try focusing on calming your body (deep breathing, hot beverage, warm blanket etc) and watch your thoughts calm. It's much easier to do than the other way around. Our brain works bottom to top, not top to bottom, which is why it is so hard to think your way out of what you feel.
The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful but also creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood, giving them compassion and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function.
In this video, learn about the risk of relapse for individuals who have been abusive in the past, and the confusion surrounding whether someone has truly changed, as well as the importance of recognizing true change, moving on, and being aware of the signs of abuse.