We want our kids to be able to take accountability for their actions but also be empowered enough to stand up for their needs and have boundaries with people who are bullying or mistreating them.
When someone is upset at them or with them, use it as an opportunity to teach them the difference between insults and feedback.
We want our kids to guard themselves from insults, but openly receive feedback.
Teaching them the difference will make all the difference.
Insults are aimed at their personhood (I don't like you)
Feedback is aimed at the behavior (I don't like what you did)
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
In this video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of attuning to children's inner world to build a secure attachment and suggests occasionally checking in with kids about their needs for love and affection, particularly during developmental leaps, to ensure that the love we give them is getting through in the way we intend it to.
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In this video, learn about the power of empathy when dealing with anger, but also be warned about the limits of empathy in the context of abusive mentalities, where anger is used to justify harmful behavior.
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