It is so important for all of us to remember how complex our attachment relationships are.
We all have unique natures that set off unique dynamics with our caregivers.
Sibling gaslighting often comes from the false belief that you can know what your sibling experienced because you were in the same home.
But the reality is that each unique kid is treated differently in each unique family system.
So if you have a sibling who feels different about their childhood than you do about yours, that doesn't necessarily mean that they are ungrateful or wrong, or idealizing your parents....they just had a different childhood than you.
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In this video, Dr. Ramani explains how being devalued as a child can lead to over-idealizing your own children, ultimately making them ill-equipped to handle life's challenges, and suggests that adoring and guiding them with boundaries and limits is a healthier approach.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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Parenting can be tough, but taking a minute to reflect on your long-term goals and imagining your kids as adults can help guide your decisions and strengthen your relationship with them - remember to be kind to yourself and hold onto the vision.
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