When you grow up with parents who neglect, or ignore, or dismiss your feelings, you know the pain of being DEVALUED. It's traumatic.
That trauma if left unprocessed though, can lead you to do a different kind of injury to your children. Idealizing them.
Because you were made to feel you could do no right, you can accidentally over-correct into treating your children as if they can do no wrong.
Which in the end makes them ill equipped to navigate the unavoidable mistakes they will make in life. (and lead to their life partners being mad at you for never holding your children accountable and them having to be the one to break the illusion of their "perfectness". )
The opposite of devaluing a child, is adoring them WHILE guiding them and helping them learn what is and is not pro-social behavior. They need you to create boundaries and limits to protect them, and then be compassionate with their feelings, but not indulgent with every request.
The grown ups that I see who felt idealized as children don't usually feel happy about that experience either. It usually feels smothering and like they have to hide the true more complex sides of themselves to keep up the image you have of them.
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In this video, you'll learn how to guide children when they have hurt someone, by connecting with them about their feelings, modeling empathy for the person impacted, and collaborating with them to make repairs, as empathy is learned through receiving empathy and being surrounded by empathetic models.
As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but threats of violence may not be the best way to do so. Instead, we can be a refuge and a barrier for our children, offering comfort and support in times of need.
Learn how accepting your child for who they are can foster a secure attachment and inner confidence that helps them thrive in a world that may not always accept them, in this insightful video on nature, nurture, and parenting.
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