Reminder that excitement and anxiety feel similar in the body. Getting pumped up for a holiday (esp one with frightening ghosts and abundance of candy), children can be unintentionally full of adrenaline and primed for an emotional crisis.
They aren't misbehaving because they are spoiled, they are flooded with neurochemistry they don't know how to manage or interpret.
Here's what you can do.
Create concrete expectations (ie. How long will you trick or treat? Specific number of candies consumed that night? Where will the candy go after? What time will the evening end?)
And then put an expectation for a meltdown on your list. That way YOU aren't disappointed when it comes. You can then give more empathy and support and help your child process all their emotions from the fun to the fear to the "it's not fairs" to the flat out exhausted.
Hope that the night goes as smoothly as it can and that whatever bumps you hit, you'll hit without shame or blame towards yourself or your kids!
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Learn how to regulate your emotions and offer calm and compassionate support to your child when they are upset, even if you experienced childhood trauma or lack of emotional support from your parents, in this insightful video that emphasizes the importance of parking your inner child in a safe place, attending to their needs, and returning to being the parent your child needs.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
Model for them your own consent process, and help them deeply understand the nuance of desire
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