This repost from early last year is for all of you who ask me the very important question of "how" do I help my child process their feelings. Follow these three tips regularly when your children are feeling the feels and watch them learn to trust you and connect to you in deeper and more satisfying ways for you both.
When you respond to their emotional pain and dysregulation with calm compassion, their nervous system absorbs your support and their brain can switch from a neurochemistry of panic or despair or shame into a neurochemistry of connection and safety.
P.s. I forgot to add captions but this video is on my page in my earliest videos WITH captions.. so if you are deaf or hard of hearing or have a sleeping baby on you, or are taking a mental health break at the office...scroll down until you see me in my blue 1987 Broncos sweatshirt
All right. Three tips for helping a kid calm down faster. One, make your body smaller. Get down on their level, their amygdala. The part of the brain that senses danger will calm down faster if it doesn't seem like there is someone three times their size trying to get them to do something. Two. Show empathy on your face.
If a child can tell that you are receiving what they feel, it will help them feel less alone and less worried that they will be misunderstood or cast out. This is a blank face. When children are upset, they register blank faces as threats, so your face needs to look like this. The number one reason I am not getting Botox.
Use your voice as a soothing instrument to help them tell that you are calm and you are there. It honestly doesn't even matter what you're saying. You could just say and repeat. I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. And their brain will start to send signals of safety and as it starts to send signals of safety, they will get their thinking brain back.
Then and only then you can have a conversation. Don't try to fix it before. Best of luck. Big feelings are hard. You got this.
All right. Three tips for helping a kid calm down faster. One, make your body smaller. Get down on their level, their amygdala. The part of the brain that senses danger will calm down faster if it doesn't seem like there is someone three times their size trying to get them to do something. Two. Show empathy on your face.
If a child can tell that you are receiving what they feel, it will help them feel less alone and less worried that they will be misunderstood or cast out. This is a blank face. When children are upset, they register blank faces as threats, so your face needs to look like this. The number one reason I am not getting Botox.
Use your voice as a soothing instrument to help them tell that you are calm and you are there. It honestly doesn't even matter what you're saying. You could just say and repeat. I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. And their brain will start to send signals of safety and as it starts to send signals of safety, they will get their thinking brain back.
Then and only then you can have a conversation. Don't try to fix it before. Best of luck. Big feelings are hard. You got this.
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In this video, you'll be reminded that your parenting journey is unique and that you should focus on doing your best, seeking support, and being compassionate with yourself, rather than comparing yourself to others or trying to live up to impossible standards. So take heart, keep going, and keep loving those incredible littles of yours!
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Discover the truth about toughness culture and generational trauma as we explore how acknowledging pain and learning to feel it can be the first step towards healing in this eye-opening video.
A message to all fathers: keep going with your efforts to connect with your children because they desperately need to see what a healthy, connected, caring male looks like, and it will create a secure attachment that fosters resilience.
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