A securely attached young child has these three responses in moments of distress...
1. They outwardly expresses their distress
2. They actively seek proximity to their primary caregiver (can be through eye contact or crawling/running to them)
3. They calm quickly (within a few minutes) and maintain contact with their caregiver during that time until soothed
This same pattern can be seen in developmental variations throughout our lifespan but with the same three ideas...1. Express 2. Seek 3. Soothe.
(Teens may seek their friends or peers and adults seek their romantic partners or close friends but secure attachment always involves the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life).
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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In this video, learn about 4 different parenting mindsets - power and control, behavioral, permissive, and attachment - to help you make choices based on your parenting goals when faced with tricky situations.
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In this video, you'll learn why young children may exhibit physical aggression towards others, and why it's important for parents and caregivers to respond with calm and thoughtful guidance rather than harsh punishment.
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