Small children often lack the impulse control to stop themselves from hitting, pushing, slapping, biting etc. Sometimes they are doing it in play, sometimes in anger, but all the time without a full understanding of the risk involved in their actions.
They need our help in hearing and understanding the limits in compassionate ways. The myth is that you have to punish or up the ante somehow in order for them to learn. Unfortunately when you do that, you are teaching a different lesson. That you have power to hurt (intentionally) and they do not. It breaks trust in your relationship or in their sense of themselves as a growth focused human.
Instead set limits lovingly and clearly. I say "I am not going to let you hurt or do etc" so they understand the boundary. And when they process the emotions around that limit I do my best (on my good days) to offer compassion and support to their process. And they learn. So well. Yes, it takes time, but they get there. And we aren't stuck in a power battle on the way there.
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Discover how providing emotional support to children during times of pain can build resilience and validation, and learn why emotional care is always purposeful in this insightful video.
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In this video, learn why telling your child to "use their words" during an emotional moment may not be effective and how to communicate non-verbally to support them in regulating their emotions.
Learn the power of modeling self-compassion to your kids, as it inspires authenticity and problem-solving, and helps them develop their own self-treatment based on how they see you treat yourself.
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