When we become truly close to people we also become deeply acquainted with all the things that make them human.
The initial idealism we feel wears off and we have to learn how to love in more complex ways. One of the skills all healthy relationships have is the ability to let go of the small things.
But sometimes the small things really bug us and feel big.
Then they turn into big things like harsh critical words or shaming comments or contempt.
Instead of letting the small stuff get big, practice using the F#ck it bucket.
When something bothers you, filter it thru the question "is this something that truly matters? Is this about normal human stuff? Or a bigger relational pattern I need to address?"
And if it's just the banal annoying things of being imperfect, throw it in the bucket and focus on gratitude for all the wonderful other things your person does to love you!
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In this video, learn how the care and responsiveness children receive from their caregivers can impact their ability to recognize and communicate their needs as adults, and how healing from a lack of emotional support in childhood involves acknowledging the wound, speaking your needs, and committing to giving yourself the care you deserve.
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In this video, learn how healthy boundaries can keep your relationships authentic and secure, and how to effectively communicate your needs without feeling disconnected or distant from your loved ones.
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In this video, relationship expert explains how the instinct to push away when wanting to be close is called "protest" behavior in attachment research, but in couples counseling, it is often referred to as sabotage, and shares the most effective way to bring your partner close is to express your desire for connection.
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