Asking For What You Need

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When kids are given care and responsiveness to their needs, they are free to grow into adults who believe their needs are valid. As a result they don't wait for their needs to be noticed by others, they notice their own needs and speak them freely, expecting care and support.

On the other hand, when kids grow up with caregivers who are unable to give them emotional care and support, they get stuck in a cycle of seeking external validation and waiting for others to notice their needs.

The key to healing that wound is to grieve that no one was able to offer you care as a child and then commit to being the person who does it now. Your needs matter and the more you speak them outwardly instead of waiting for validation, the less validation you will need. And the more you will feel loved because adult love is not about having someone read your mind, it's about having someone respond to your requests with attentiveness and care.

*P.s. There are some cultures that are adept at reading others needs as a communal commitment. If this is the case, it is different because everyone is reading everyone else's needs making it developmentally appropriate and equitable. I'm specially aware of this in some East Asian cultures such as Nunchi in Korean culture


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