When we become truly close to people we also become deeply acquainted with all the things that make them human.
The initial idealism we feel wears off and we have to learn how to love in more complex ways. One of the skills all healthy relationships have is the ability to let go of the small things.
But sometimes the small things really bug us and feel big.
Then they turn into big things like harsh critical words or shaming comments or contempt.
Instead of letting the small stuff get big, practice using the F#ck it bucket.
When something bothers you, filter it thru the question "is this something that truly matters? Is this about normal human stuff? Or a bigger relational pattern I need to address?"
And if it's just the banal annoying things of being imperfect, throw it in the bucket and focus on gratitude for all the wonderful other things your person does to love you!
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Learn how contempt in relationships often stems from shame and how to address the root cause of contempt by addressing the underlying shame through vulnerability and open communication with your partner or attachment figures in this insightful and practical video.
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In this video, you'll learn about the difference between intention and impact, and that while you can share how someone's actions or inactions impacted you, the authority over their intentions belongs to them, and if you don't trust their explanation, it may be time to move on or evaluate your past trauma.
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In this video, learn about the power of empathy when dealing with anger, but also be warned about the limits of empathy in the context of abusive mentalities, where anger is used to justify harmful behavior.
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