If you find yourself entirely awkward and wanting to go into your shell when there are big emotions around, you likely grew up with an anxious avoidant attachment style.
Which is the fancy research term to describe family relationships where parents don't know what to do with emotions, so dismiss them, ignore them, and avoid them, teaching you to do the same.
The good news is this condition is not permanent. IF you put in some work to learn how to tolerate your own feelings and develop a skill for being present and grounded when feelings are surrounding, you'll find that life outside of the shell can lead to some really beautiful connected moments.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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In this video, you'll learn about the challenges that couples face in their attachment when having children, and the importance of understanding and valuing the labor of the partner who cares for the children at home, as childcare is also work.
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